


Every thought in my head says no (but I can’t let go)

by yehwellwhatever



Category: Supernatural RPF
Genre: Angst, First Kiss, M/M, Unresolved Sexual Tension
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2012-06-28
Updated: 2012-06-28
Packaged: 2017-11-08 18:21:35
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,102
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/446131
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/yehwellwhatever/pseuds/yehwellwhatever
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>To anyone else, it might have seemed like he was just flirting with everyone, harmless and charming.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Every thought in my head says no (but I can’t let go)

**Author's Note:**

> Thank you to dishonestdreams for the, as always, great beta. Any remaining mistakes are my own.

If you could do anything you wanted for twenty-four hours, and wake up the next day without there being any consequences, what would you do? For Jensen Ackles, that answer was easy.

He was well aware of the fact that his best friend, his roommate, his co-worker, had been hitting on him for the better part of four years. Even back when he was engaged, he had been hitting on Jensen.

To anyone else, it might have seemed like Jared was just flirting with everyone, harmless and charming like he always was, but with Jensen there was a difference. Because Jared actually didn’t stop when they were alone. In fact, the flirting just got more intense and obvious. Jared would give Jensen back rubs and foot rubs after a long day of filming, even those times when he was so tired that he could barely keep his eyes open and his head up and Jensen was sure he wanted to do nothing more than take a hot shower and crawl into bed.

He would cook Jensen’s favorite breakfast and serve it to him in bed. Everyone on set, and all their friends, knew that Jared wasn’t any more a morning person than Jensen was. The standing theory was, if it wasn’t for his dogs and his job, Jared wouldn’t ever be able to drag himself out of bed before noon.

The fact that Jensen, and Jensen alone, had been able to convince Jared to give up most of his pink shirts and replace them with more sombre colors, something not even Sandy had been able to do, was also a sign that it was just not harmless flirting.

Of course, there had been an even more obvious sign, something that most people would call a dead giveaway. Jensen hadn’t spotted it at the time but, as they say, _better late than never_ , and it had happened nearly four months ago.

Mike had been throwing one of his famous parties, kind of a mix between an early Christmas party and a good bye party since Mike was moving back to LA a couple of weeks later. In truth, they probably shouldn’t have gone; they were in the middle of a grueling filming schedule and they did have filming the next night too but Mike had managed to convince them by pointing out that the party would be what he called _legendary_ and they wouldn’t want to be the only ones who had missed it. So of course they went, because who were they to refuse one of their friends anything, especially when said friend wouldn’t be in the country for much longer.

As it turned out, Jensen had got to leave set early that day because Jared was shooting a scene with that week’s guest star, which Jensen really didn’t have to be around for. Usually they waited for each other, but Jensen had wanted to get home to get ready so that at least one of them could be on time for the party without showing up exhausted.

By the time Jared did arrive the party had already been in full swing but somehow Jensen managed to catch his eye the moment he entered the door. Jensen had still been on his first beer, deliberately taking it slow on the drinking because of the shoot the next day. Jared on the other hand, after making the rounds and saying hello to Mike and some other close friends, including Jensen himself, had headed straight for the wet bar.

At the time, it had made Jensen worry a little, but he had figured that it had probably been a rough time at the shoot. For some reason sex scenes were more exhausting than getting thrown into a wall. So, he’d decided to let it pass, but kept an eye on Jared never the less.

It wasn’t until they got home that he had realized just how much Jared really had to drink. They had barely made it inside the door before Jared had pressed him up against the opposite wall and kissed him. If Jensen hadn’t already figured it out, it was all too obvious that Jared really had been hitting on him all that time.

Jensen hadn’t kissed back, because Jared was drunk and he wouldn’t ever have taken advantage of that. Granted, he hadn’t been able to move back either, because he was already against the fucking wall. When Jared had pulled back and taken some well-needed deep breaths, he had looked Jensen in the eye.

There hadn’t been any trace of intoxication.

Jensen’s feelings must have shown on his face. He could still see the exact moment that Jared’s expression had changed to remorse. The words “I’m sorry,” had dropped softly from Jared’s mouth before he’d turned on his heel and left. Seconds later Jensen had heard Jared’s footsteps moving fast up the stairs and seconds after that a banging door.

It had taken a few minutes for Jensen to focus enough to follow in Jared’s footsteps and get ready for bed, but he had fallen asleep the second his head hit the pillow.

The next morning, Jensen had woken up to the sound of Jared’s voice. “Rise and shine, pretty boy.” Blinking, Jensen had opened his eyes, his vision blurred, the edges softened without his glasses. Because, there was no way Jensen would put his glasses on with Jared in this mood. He’d rather have his coffee before Jared started teasing him.

That was when it had hit him. Jared shouldn’t have been acting like that. Jared had kissed him the night before. _Kissed him._ And Jensen had done nothing. He had blinked in confusion, as if that would help to clear his vision and had turned his head to look at Jared. Jared had been close. Really close. Even closer than usual, which had been impressive given how Jared was always up in his face.

Even without his glasses, he had still been able to see the remorse still in Jared’s eyes, as well as a faint flush on his cheeks. Jensen would have done anything to take the remorse away, would have kissed him all day if that was what it took. He couldn’t though – it had been the wrong time, wrong place, wrong them. It wasn’t the answer now. It hadn’t been the answer then.

What he had done was the only thing he could have done. He had reached out, stroked the bangs out of Jared’s eyes and said the only words that came to mind. Words that couldn’t make any difference.

“I’m sorry.”

**The end**


End file.
